America's Pastime in the Present!

As you may remember from yesterday's post, I won a ticket to the World Series. Here is a recap of my experience:

On my walk to the stadium, I passed two friends who were having a conversation. I'm not one to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help but overhear one of them: "I mean if you're not serious about football, you might as well go some where like Harvard." I would normally never talk to a stranger, but I had to call this guy out: "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help but hear you guys. I actually played football at Harvard. My QB is now starting for the Bills." Needless to say, they were dumbfounded

While waiting for Steve to get the tickets, I saw a guy giving me the stink-eye (or so I thought). He turned to his friend and they both started staring at me. One walked over to me and said, "has anyone ever told you that you look exactly like Travis Ishikawa?" Seems like a nice thing to say as Travis is a good looking dude, but here's how I interpreted it "has anyone every told you that you look exactly like every other Asian person I've seen?" That being the case I shot back with, "has anyone ever told you that you look like every other white person I've ever seen?" Needless to say, they were dumbfounded.














Travis Ishikawa

I'm a good fist pumper, but not good enough for the Fist Pump Cam.

I'm good at the Carlton Dance, but not as good as the dude wearing the argyle sweater and glasses who happens to look exactly like Carlton Banks which is the standard needed to make the Carlton Cam.



Steve Perry loves the Giants. He must also love his haircut, which would explain why he hasn't changed it since 1981.

For some reason, there's always one person in the crowd who thinks they're the first person to make a mooing noise when everyone is leaving the stadium at the same time. I laugh every time.

Hot off The Presses: Edwards and Doidge Get it On... errr... Play Corn Hole... errr... Battle for World Series Ticket

EDWARDS AND DOIDGE SQUARE-OFF IN TICKET TUSSLE AT IMG
Epic 27-round Game 3 decides fate of extra World Series ticket

SAN FRANCISCO (IMG Wire) – With a World Series trip on the line, IMG standouts Kevin “Fear the Beard” Doidge and Brian “third-string punter” Edwards squared off in the most epic cornhole battle ever witnessed by this reporter.

Doidge (L) and Edwards before the epic battle.

In the first game, Doidge started off with a 12-0 run, putting the pressure on Edwards from the beginning. With a skunk looming in this best-of-three series, the Los Gatos native put his first point on the board to ensure a full game. Despite the first point, it looked like Doidge was in for an easy win, until Edwards answered with a 15-point run to take the lead for the first time.

Both right-handers, the two battled back and forth with as many as four “Even Steven” rounds until Edwards was able to put in a creeper to take Game One 22-15.

After the game, Doidge recalled his early start and subsequent loss.
“I never felt comfortable with that lead,” he said, rolling up his shirtsleeves. “I just need to focus and get these sleeves out of the way.”

With the wardrobe adjustment complete, a relaxed Doidge started off with a great strategy: block Edwards’ well-known right-side alley. Edwards however, found another path to the hole and jumped out to a 7-2 lead. If this series has shown us anything, it’s that leads don’t last. Doidge dug deep, finding his groove and hanging on to push the series even at one game apiece with a commanding 21-11 point win.

“I got a little rattled there,” said Edwards. “I’m not used to playing without trash-talking, and honestly this one means too much to trash-talk. Man, I wish I had sleeves to roll-up as that strategy really paid off for Doidge.”

The pressure in Game 3 was palpable, and both seemed to struggle early on. The first two tosses were wild pitches, missing the board completely. Finally, Doidge found the board first, jumping out to a 2-0 lead in the second round, and maintaining that lead through the fifth round.

As many as nine even rounds were put up during the final game.

Edwards kept the pressure on and rolled in his patented “crawly” shot to take the lead back at 3-2. Edwards’ dominance continued over the Hoosier grad, taking a 12-2 lead. However, drawing on years of experience in the Tailgate League, Doidge inched back, round by round, pushing the score all-even at 15 in the 20th round.

“I was feeling in the zone,” said Doidge. “After years of playing in the SCHIT*, I’ve learned that this game is a game of streaks. Luckily I could turn it on before Bri got too far ahead.”
The game continued to see-saw back and forth until Edwards put the dagger in the game, clenching his World Series berth with a two-hole final round to win 22-17.

“Kev was really tossing the corn great out there,” said an exuberant Edwards in his post-game interview. “I really felt the pressure, but I just want to thank God for his strength today and helping me get this GIANT win… pun intended.”

Concentration is key in Cornhole Alley with a unique stadium layout, including office lighting, taunting spectators and low ceilings.

We caught up with Doidge after the battle for his final thoughts.

“I tried to invoke Steve-O rules, but Edwards wasn’t open to that,” Doidge said. “Obviously I’m not happy with the outcome, but I did give it my all out there, and I can only control my game. I do take some solace in the fact that the Heat lost last night.”

*The SCHIT is the annual Sausalito Corn Hole Invitational Tournament. Doidge serves as Commissioner of the league and tournament director.


BOX SCORE

Game 1: Edwards def. Doidge 22-15
Game 2: Doidge def. Edwards 11 21
Game 3: Edwards def. Doidge 22 17
Attendance: 1

All's Fair in Love and War... And Muni

Hello and welcome to our fair city. Judging by your jeans and running shoes, you’re a tourist. Well good for you! You’ve decided to take advantage of our convenient Municipal Transportation System or Muni as we affectionately call it. As you can tell by my Clipper Pass I am a seasoned Muni rider. What’s a Clipper Pass you ask? Well I will tell you and while I’m at it why don’t I give you some general tips and pointers to enhance your Muni experience:

• A Clipper Pass is Muni’s new payment system. It allows you board the bus quickly and efficiently. Oops, that rapid beeping sounds means you’re not holding your Clipper up to the scanner properly. No silly, the correct reaction is not to do exactly the same thing ten times! Now you’ve held up the line longer than if you would have paid in cash!


• Hello, I too am boarding this Muni bus. Oh, don’t worry about it, it’s normal protocol for you to cut me off on your mad dash to get the last seat!


• We’ve made it onto the bus! There are some general rules of thumb to remember while enjoying the ride. I noticed that you’re sitting in the aisle seat when then window seat is open. Please, do not inconvenience yourself by moving over. I will happily stick my derier or groin area in your face on my way to the seat. Oops, did my bag hit you in the face!?


• Yes, I overheard you talking about the stop at which you need to disembark. No, I’m not going to tell you that it was two stops ago.


• Judging by the fact that you're looking at that map like Rosie O' Donnell looks at a pie, you’ve fallen in love with it. It isn’t going to love you back no matter how long and closely you look at it.


• We’re getting close to your stop. Don’t forget to pull the cable to signal the driver. Great job! You’ve requested a stop! Uh oh, this isn’t your stop. Okay we’ll get it next time. There you go! Now you’ve requested the right stop! Oops, not this one either.


• Here we are! We made it to your destination! What an adventure! Let’s get off this stink hole. What’s that? The dummy of a driver isn’t opening the back door!? Thank you for yelling right in my ear at him. Maybe we forget to read the clearly marked signs on proper bus departure protocol? Guess you’re the dummy after all. STEP DOWN!


• Now enjoy the rest of your stay in this fine city. And please let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!

Coincidence or Providence... or Voodoo

If you're a starting quarterback in the NFL you DO NOT want one of my former QBs to be your back up. It's worse than the Madden Curse:

2005:
Ryan is drafted by the Rams as their third string QB behind Marc Bulger and Jamie Martin. Both get hurt.

2007:
Ryan is traded to the Bengles where he backs up Carson Palmer. Carson gets hurt
Trent is drafted by the Bills and backs up J.P. Losman. J.P. gets hurt.

2009:
Ryan signs with the Bills and backs up Trent Edwards. Trent gets hurt.

2010:
Trent is picked up by the Jaguars and backs up David Garrard. Garrard gets hurt.

The Wild West Isn't Just an Awesome Will Smith Song

Back to the Future Part III
Apologies for the delay in finishing our discussion regarding Back to the Future. Now you know how I felt when, in 1989-1990, I had to wait six months between the release of Part 2 and Part 3 of the trilogy.

Part 3 picks up right where we left off; Marty is stuck in 1955 after the DeLorean is struck by lightning and alerts the Western Union courier that “there’s only one person who can help me.” Marty then races back to find 1955 Doc. In his letter dated 1885, Doc informs Marty that the Delorean is hidden in a cave outside of Hill Valley. Marty must travel back to 1885 to save Doc who has been murdered by a seedy character by the name of Buford Tannen. Apparently being seedy is genetic, as Buford is in fact Biff’s ancestor.

Marty, who still cannot think 4th dimensionally, travels back to 1885 and adopts the name Clint Eastwood. I suspect that this is the historical figure after whom the now famous movie star and director is named. The Delorean’s gas line has been torn meaning Marty and Doc must find an alternate method of achieving 88 mph to travel back to 1985. They decide to push it with a train.

During a visit to the rail line, Marty and Doc encounter a runaway carriage carrying the mom from Step Brothers who is known as Clara Clayton in 1885. Clara and Doc look at each other the same way as a Kirstie Alley looks at a cupcake; meaning they are in love.

A bunch of other stuff happens like Marty’s showdown with Buford in which he proves cheaters do in fact prosper, Doc breaks up with Clara and drinks what I suspect was a laced shot of whisky, and Clara finds out that Doc only broke up with her because he had to travel back to the future.

Marty and Doc hijack a train and using magic wood, speed it up 88 mph. Right before the DeLorean travels to the future, Clara shows up and very unathletically climbs the train. Doc must save her, but by doing so he misses his chance to travel with Marty to 1985.

Back in 1985, the DeLorean is smashed by a train, Marty does not crash into a Rolls Royce, and Doc shows up in a train time machine.

Overall the third installment is an excellent movie and perfect way to wrap up the trilogy.

Back to the Blog: Part II

Back to the Future Part II
In the second installment of this delightful series, we are given a glimpse of our future... all the way to the year 2015. I am very excited for the next five years as flying cars, self drying jackets, and hoverboards are sure to hit stores!

Picking up where the first movie ends, Marty, Jennifer (Marty’s GF), and Doc depart for the future. Unbeknownst to them, that dastardly scoundrel Biff Tannen witnesses them leave in the DeLorian. While in the year 2015 Marty purchases a sports almanac. Biff, who is now old and looks a lot like the bad guy from Ghoastbusters II, steals the almanac and DeLorian and gives it to is younger self in 1955.

Biff becomes rich because he is able to pick the winner of every major sporting event. This creates and alternate 1985 that Marty finds himself in. This 1985 is reminiscent of modern day Oakland with numerous unsavory character roaming the streets. Marty and Doc must travel back to the past and stop young Biff from getting the almanac.

Back in 1955 Marty follows Biff to the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance where he is able to retrieve the almanac from Biff's unconscious body. A few more things happen ,including a reaffirmation that Biff hates manure, but ultimately Doc and Marty are about to leave for 1985 when the DeLorean is struck my lightning. Marty receives a letter dated 1885 as Doc has been sent to the past.

Back to the Future II does not get the love it deserves. True, it is a little darker than the other two movies, but I like to think of the second movie as the glue in a glue sandwich; it really holds everything together and without it all you're left with is two slices of bread when what you really wanted is a glue sandwich. I feel sorry for the next generation of BTTF fans because the second installment of the movie gets far less TV play. They will be quite familiar with the first and third movies, but will have missed out on this classic.

Great Scott! This is a good read!

This just in: to mark its 25th anniversary the Back to the Future Trilogy is being released in Blu-Ray and with never-before-seen footage. I couldn't be more excited about this news. The list of movies I would get this pumped about is very short and includes: Indiana Jones, Groundhog Day, and The Notebook.

To honor this momentous event I have given my quick thoughts and summary of each movie:

Back to the Future

What can I say that hasn't already been said. This iconic movie transcends the big hair, leg warmers, and cassette tapes of the decade in which it was filmed. We were introduced to some of our favorite movie characters like Marty McFly, Emitt "Doc" Brown, and hopelessly nerdy, certifiably creepy, yet completely lovable George McFly. And who could forget the time machine itself? Natrually the producers of the movies used the Cadillac of cars, the DeLorean, for the time machine. Between the gull-wing doors, 170 horse-power engine, and Flux Capacitor the DeLorian was a modern marvel.

The plot took us on along with Marty as he was accidentally sent to the year 1955 after he witnessing his friend Doc get gunned down by some Libyans (in Libya the movie ends there. It won the Libyan version of an Oscar for Best Short Film). While in 1955 Marty gets into all kinds of tomfoolery. Ultimately Marty must ignite the spark between his young mother and young father. SPOILER ALERT!!! He is successful and proceeds to rock the house to the classic Johnny B. Good and an insane guitar solo that the crowd isn't quite ready for, but their kids are going to love.
In an epic scene, Marty is able to leave the past by channeling 1.21 gigawats of electricity from a lightning strike directly into the Flux Capacitor. At the end of the movie Marty and his girlfriend, Jennifer, are visited by Doc who says they need to travel to the future in the now flying DeLorean ("Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads").

Additionally in 1988 a much younger version of myself saw this movie for the first time and tormented my parents with my favorite line, "What are you looking at, butthead?"

Check back tomorrow for my summary of the second movie.

Mach 3...? Like the razor!?

Everyone in San Francisco loves Fleet Week. It's the perfect excuse to bust out your bomber jacket, grab a few beers, scale your rusted and aging fire escape, and drink on the roof. I took some pictures of the Blue Angels from my rooftop vantage point:

I also made several musing about Fleet Week:

• This show likely has a very different atmosphere in Iraq
• A pickup line that has never failed: "Hello, I'm a Blue Angel.
• Fleet Week by the numbers:
• Top Gun high/low fives: 27,843
• Aviator sunglasses: 84,367
• Distance between Blue Angels jets: 12 feet
• Things found in Blue Angels' shoes: 12 feet
• Percentage increase in crew cuts in San Francisco: 100%
• The one week where my lyrical knowledge of Take my Breath Away pays off
• A pick up line that has never succeeded: "Hello, I'm the guy who flies the cargo plane right before the Blue Angels."
• Something useful we should all learn and pass down to the next generation:
  
  

Friends? You don't need friends when you got SKILLS!

They say it takes 10,000 hours of practice to truly master something. In that case, I've mastered BrickBreak like 7.5 times!

Now all I need to do is start practicing friendship!

Hello, I'm the guy from the Milk cartons

Yesterday, we decided to venture out of the comfort of the office for an off site meeting. It was agreed that a physical activity would be an excellent start to the day, invigorating our minds and bodies. After considering our options and a brief discussion, we all agreed that running the Dipsea Trail would be the perfect physical activity to start what promised to be a very productive day.

If you're unfamiliar with the Dipsea Trail you can click here to read about it. I knew that a 7.1 mile run would be a challenge as I haven't run more than half a mile in one workout in quite some time. On top of that, the trail appeared to have some topographic challenges.

As the trail is point-to-point and not a loop, we left one car at the finish and drove to the starting point in Mill Valley. To my utter dissatisfaction the run began with a .9 mile jaunt up three ridiculously long staircases. Half way up the second flight, I knew I was going to be dissatisfied for quite a while. The trail continued uphill after the stairs, but then a miracle! The trail turned downhill. I made a mental note to 'like' downhill on facebook. My satisfaction levels were rising.

We had made it to the Muir Woods! What a beautiful setting! Our map informed us that we were about to embark on a 2.2 mile section labeled "Cardiac Hill." Based on the trail thus far, I began second guessing my hypothesis that the hill was named for its heart-like shape. After approximately 200 yards and several minor heart attacks, I officially rescinded my former hypothesis as to the hill's namesake. I grew suspicious that the name of the hill had something to do with the incredibly long and difficult route to the top, and that this portion of the trail could potentially result in fatigue and potentially heart failure. My two colleagues did not seem to be having as much trouble as they were playfully gallivanting up the hill. I attributed this to the fact that they were likely on a runners' 'high' while I was just plain drunk.

They quickly outdistanced me and I was all alone. Fortunately, I'm equipped with an iPhone like sense of direction and was able to navigate most of the trail without a map or trail markers. I finally reached the top of the hill and began my dissent. Surely, I would be able to catch up to my colleagues... I said to a passing hiker named Shirley (copyright Airplane, 1980). After several miles and many twists and turns I was convinced I was lost but then I caught sight of a sign reassuring me that I was on the correct path. I followed this path until I came to another sign reassuring me that the correct path was the direction I had just run. Caught between two signs each pointing me in opposite directions, I paused to take stock of my current situation. I was all alone, lost, without any form of communication or identification, and no one knew where I was. Several thoughts crossed my mind:

• I was very concerned with spraining my ankle, but was fairly confident I could take on a mountain lion
• I'm flexible enough to the point that there are very few places a rattlesnake could bite me where I wouldn't be able to suck out the poison
• The next time I would join my colleagues for an "off site" meeting would be the day after never
• Bear Grylls is able to survive in worse situations than this, but is his name really Bear?
• Would I rather: run the Dipsea Trail again or be locked in a jail cell for 24 hours with nothing but a microphone and the 2010 version of Whitney Houston...? I'm still thinking about it
• My dissatisfaction is at an all time low

Regardless of the plight I found myself in, I found the energy to trudge on. I chose a path and stuck with it. Eventually, I found myself back in the Muir Woods. I retraced the path we had taken from Mill Valley and I emerged from the Dipsea right where I had started. I couldn't help but feel like I had just taken a fantastic voyage - not only physically, through the hills of the North Bay - but also introspectively, taking stock of my current position in life. If I could persevere through the Dipsea Trail what could stop me? Certainly not a mountain lion nor rattlesnake bite!

I will leave you all with this quote that I think sums up the day quite succinctly: "Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you traveled to get there." In the end I didn't get very far, but I traveled a great distance to not get anywhere which, according to that quite makes, make me quite successful.

Nice Kick, Bro!!!